Editorial Report 12a

For this editorial report, I chose to re-edit my first body paragraph. This outlines the big picture problem: lack of diversity in the entertainment business.


Section from Rough Cut:
The problem with diversity in entertainment isn’t a new one, but it is an important one. Although the #OscarsSoWhite reaction generated a lot of attention and discussion, many people are unaware of the extent of the problem. A USC study that was published in February of 2016 analyzed “414 stories or 1091 motion pictures and 305 broadcast, cable, and digital series.” It analyzed these samples for demographics of both on-screen speaking parts, as well as behind the camera jobs. This study analyzed these in four areas: gender, race/ethnicity, LGBT, and company inclusion. According to this study, people with speaking parts were “71.7% were white . . .  28.3% of all speaking characters were from underrepresented racial/ethnic groups.” Furthermore, this study analyzed the behind the camera demographics as well. In film alone, 87.3% of directors are white. This is attributing to the problem because if the director is from an underrepresented group, then he/she is more likely to cast underrepresented actors.


Re-edited version:

The problem with diversity in entertainment isn’t a new one, but it is an important one. Although the #OscarsSoWhite reaction generated a lot of attention and discussion, many people are unaware of the extent of the problem. A USC study that was published in February of 2016 analyzed “414 stories or 1091 motion pictures and 305 broadcast, cable, and digital series,” for demographics of both on-screen speaking parts, as well as behind the camera jobs (USC study 2016). This study analyzed these in four areas: gender, race/ethnicity, LGBT, and company inclusion. According to this study, people with speaking parts were “71.7% were white . . .  28.3% of all speaking characters were from underrepresented racial/ethnic groups,” (USC study 2016). Furthermore, this study analyzed the behind the camera demographics as well. In film alone, 87.3% of directors are white. This is attributing to the problem because if the director is from an underrepresented group, then he/she is more likely to cast underrepresented actors. Okay, so it’s a problem. But why should people care? Both of these studies were comparing these statistics to the actual U.S. population. The reason so many people are upset is because these films make the population of these minorities seem even smaller than it already is. “Thus, 28.3% of all speaking characters were from underrepresented racial/ethnic groups, which is below (-9.6%) the proportion in the U.S. population (37.9%).” The goal, or perhaps solution to this problem, is to get Hollywood and entertainment businesses to accurately reflect demographics in the U.S. and abroad.

Content changed because I added some things. Before, I had a lot of statistics but they didn't really mean anything. I wanted to show 1. that people were upset about this issue and 2.) why they were upset. I think that I might still need to go a little more in depth about the extent of the problem, but I am not sure how without just throwing statistics at the audience.
Form changed a but because it is double spaced now, so it looks more like a standard college essay now. In the future, I will need to add in text citations to all the statistics once I complete my Works Cited page. I think that now the content look more professional, which will cause the audience to take me more seriously, adding to my credibility.